Pages

Friday, July 26, 2013

Struggles...

The past 2 days have been miserable, literally wondering how much much more I can take. My body aches, not ache but is in so much pain it hurts to even move. I've been grumpy, irritable, hateful. I've been reading in a book that I'm supposed to find some gratitude in having a breast cancer diagnosis. So today I have to say I'm thankful or my husband, Alan. He is the strongest most loving man I know. He has taken care of me not only through this but through me having a stroke. I watch the pain and sadness in his eyes when I can hardly move, when I'm ready to give up. He is my biggest cheerleader, he told me tonight he loves me to much for me to quit. I know I'm not going to quit and give in to cancer. I want to be here for a long time to spend with him, and the kids and the grand kids and the family that does love me. I hate the way I look now, no hair, pale, fat, bloated. I am grateful that I can get ready quickly now. I do hate all the stares you receive when your finally feel well enough to go out. Then you get the pity stares, but I'am grateful for those that come up and give me their breast cancer story and it reminds me that this isn't going to be forever. I have 2 more chemo treatments 2!!!! That is something to look forward to. I'am looking forward to eating a spinach salad. I'am looking forward to going someplace warm and beautiful when I'm done. I think I have deserved it. Maybe a trip to Mexico, or Hawaii. Who knows. But right now I got 44 days till my last chemo!

0 comments:

Post a Comment