Thursday, May 30, 2013

Day 10...

The sun is shining early this morning, a soft breeze blowing through my dogwood. I see the neighbors yard so impeccable as always. My neighbors are the type of people that work in their yard all the time. It is a labor of love it must be. I often ask Alan if he's going to be one of those men who get out and work in their yard daily when he is retired. No he always says. One day I secretly hope he will because it's hot watching your man work on his yard. He always says " I didn't go to college to get my hands dirty " I guess I can respect that but it would be nice for him to take more pride in our pool and yard. Our yard does look nice but of course we have to pay someone to do it. I haven't seen a pool boy yet I wonder why???? Yesterday I landed up going to the docs which then put me in a comfy blue chair for a couple hours getting much needed fluid in my body. Plus a good doze of zofran straight through my port. I know one thing I am thankful I have the port now because I know them digging in my veins searching for the vein gold most of the time doesn't work out. Of course it feels weird the port and it sticks out like you got a rock in there. But as long as it does it job i'm good with it. So far the port has been doing really well. I'm feeling well so far today and hope it stays that way. Yesterday I was feeling better after the fluids and did well till around 12:30 in the morning and those stomach pains and cramps hit me. My remedy so far is take 2 immodiums and soak in a hot tub. When I get out I take 2 more immodiums and put a heating pad on my stomach. It takes about a hour but then they are "manageable". I knew I was close to be dehydrating yesterday as my lips were brittle and I could't hardly swallow. I know now I need to call and tell them I need some fluids and they do it in another room at the oncology center. One thing that I noticed yesterday. When I would just go for blood work or be there for some other reason I would sit there in my chair and watch people go through "those" doors. The name above it Oncology. I remember seeing people go through "those" doors and feel such sorrow. It would break my heart. I often would wonder how bad does that lady/man have it over and over. Never dreaming in a million years I have to go through "those" doors. I turned around and looked curious to see if someone was watching me and their was. It's only natural. "My weight is still the same. I'm not sure how because over the past 10 days I have eaten very little and it still is the same. I never could lose weight. I know you have to eat to lose but when everything taste like cardboard shit well than it's hard to find something that actually sounds and smells good. Aunt Shirley did make me some scalloped potatoes and I tolerated them fine till around midnight. The taste, and consistency was perfect. Add that on my foods I want to eat least. Better get off of here and see what today holds. I'm feeling well which means not to much laying in our bed or my recliner today as much. Update on my hair- my head is pretty itchy right now, strands are falling out but not clumps yet. I don't have much hair now so I feel like it's going to be ok. I'm going to shave it tomorrow- Cody insists that he wants to do it. I felt weird about that but he said he feels like it is something he has to do so I agreed. I wanted to have hair for his graduation but I'm so worried I'll be sitting there and it start to really fall out and I don't want to embarrass Cody at all so I'm just gonna shave it and start wearing my scarves and hats I got. I see almost every lady doing chemo wearing wigs. I respect that. Even if they don't look like hair they look ok. I am still not going to wear a wig as of right now I might change my mind down the road but as of right now i'm not. I also don't know why my paragraphs are showing. I hate that it's one big blog of writing. Ummm maybe I have a setting wrong I will have to Alan look at it.
Much love to all Ang-


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