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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Tomorrow 12:00 under the knife...

I will be.  Dr. Dietz will cutting into my left breast digging around getting my cancer tumor out!  My cancer will be removed from my body. Hallaleja!  I will then be given a node test to see if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. I pray it hasn't. If for some reason it has I will be given a mastectomy.  If the tumor looks worse than she thought I will be given a masectomy.  I didn't know this but just a week or so ago Alan told me the fluid from my right breast is suspious so she is looking at the right ducts and if anything looks suspious she will go ahead and so a mastectomy.  So I have a lot of things they re looking for that might result in one. If I do receive one that changes my whole treatment. I will have to do chemo and radiation. I will be sick, lose my hair, be weak, have sores, and need a total reconstruction after all my treatment is through.

My first thing I will want to know when I wake up is not if I got a new rack. It will be is if I have breasts at all.   Having nice smaller, perky breasts right now is the least of my thoughts. My thoughts go to is the cancer contained, please no spread!

I'm also saddened that a dear loved one has passed on. Joe.  I'm sad I will miss his calling hours, funeral. I want to be there so badly that I'm still thinking I maybe able to go on Friday. I get out of the hospital Friday morning.  I loved him deeply.  I always remember him telling me every time how he always bounced me on his knee. He was 75. That seems so young. I was grateful he came to see me at lunch about a mon ago with the family to cheer me up. I remember giving him a big hug and him not wanting to let go and somehow maybe he knew it would be the last time.  I know I have a special angel watching over me. I remember saying how I wonder if I would have anyone waiting for me I know Joe will be.  Rest in peace Joe you will be missed and always will be thought of and Barbara will be loved too.


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