Thursday, February 28, 2013

Wake up- Yes I still have cancer...

I keep waking up everyday hoping this nightmare would go away.  I'm afraid it's not. Sooner or later i'm going to have to come to grips with it.  

When someone tells you have cancer then you start to fret.  Every ache and pain in your body you wonder is that cancer?  Could it already be to late?  What am I going to do if I am one of those that they tell me I have a couple of weeks to to live?  What would I do then?  You hear about "those" stories but that could never happen to you could it. 

 I was one of those that seemed to follow the rules.. I didn't smoke because I got caught when I was a young child and then lied about it to my Aunt Shirley and just remember the look-the sadness in her eyes was enough to do me in for the rest of my life about smoking.  Plus it's a disgusting habit.  I was one of the of those Mom's that would pull up the scary pics of the black lung, and what the horrors of smoking would do and what would come of it if you did- lung cancer. One of those if I ever catch you smoking....kind of Moms because I can't stand it!  I only drank after my divorce phase going through my single phase and now the occasional margarita. Drugs-forget it never even crossed my mind.

 But I was a eater, I figured if I wasn't going to do the real bad stuff I would enjoy some good food.  So I'm a big girl but a really big girl?  I'm not so sure about that. 

So here I am 42, again going through another serious hardship in my life.  Just a few years ago I was fighting for my life at 35 having a stroke a dissection that's where the artery tears in your neck causing a clot.  Mine was due to a fall down the basement stairs and getting some bad advice going to a chiropractor but that is for another entry in itself.  


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